she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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