Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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