seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
