Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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