I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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