I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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