So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
