Umm I'm too high to move.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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