Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
