i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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