I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
