words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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