I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
