I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
