You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
