he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Green mimosas i think yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
