I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
