I think my vagina is haunted
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
