u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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