I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
