did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
