Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will pee on everything he values.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
