last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
