its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
