I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
