pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
