...so i touched it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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