Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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