After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
