cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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