He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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