This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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