I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
