So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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