Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
