I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
