thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
