Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
