Plan B is the new Plan A
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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