Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
