so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
