is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
