At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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