I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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