my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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