Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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