Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
