i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you win again, gameday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
