Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
