her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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