i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
wow bdsm is so cute
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