Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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