Christians are straight up FREAKS
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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