The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
