She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
